My COVID Nineteen

1. I have gained and lost the same 5 pounds two or three times.
2. After vowing to never let my dogs up on my new bedspread I caved and now have stairs next to the bed so they can climb up at their leisure.
3. Going to the doctors is my biggest social outing. I even shower and wear mascara.
4. I read over 80 books in 2020 and am probably going to beat that number in 2021. I console myself with this when I hate myself for not writing.
5. I’ve become a lousy friend. I see a text or email, get distracted before I respond and then forget all about it.
6. I’ve watched an embarrassing amount of Netflix and Prime and even the worst Hallmark movie ever made. I’ve watched so many episodes of Chopped that I’ve forgone my Oscar fantasy and am planning to become the next Chopped Champion.
7. I have always had just “meh” hair but COVID hair is putting me over the edge. Maybe it’s time to go platinum blonde.
8. I’ve really gotten tired of the TV shows and movies where someone says an innocuous line like, “We ran out of dental floss but I found some expired hemorrhoid cream when rummaging through the medicine cabinet,” and then a lightbulb goes off for the main character that helps her/him/they solve a crime or fix their marriage or figure out how to end a gang rivalry or reconnect with their estranged parent or the stop the mob’s next hit. Does that ever happen to ANYONE?!
9. I haven’t stepped into a store in over a year. I am now an Amazon ho.
10. Everything is sinking. My roof, my boobs, my humor, my faith in people, my marriage, my heart.
11. When I get really stressed I window shop online for dishes. Colorful plates made in Italy or Portugal, blue toile, coupe, ceramic, porcelain, Lenox, Fiesta, Emma Bridgewater, Royal Stafford, Ikea, Target, Mikasa, Wedgwood, Polish Pottery, milk glass, depression glass, holiday plates, serving dishes, teapots, bowls, Katie Alice, Pottery Barn, Williams Sanoma, Dansk, Pfaltzgraff, Syracuse China. I love dishes and get this from my mother. She scoured garage sales and filled a china cabinet with plates and bowls that my father now stares at praying to see her reflection in the glass.
12. I think about death and loss almost every day and have become more fearful, anxious, insular and mistrusting.
13. I dream more, sleep less.
14. I’ve written a few letters – remember letters? I want to write more – I like sending my words out there to find a home in someone’s heart. Here’s a great initiative that got me started – Dear Rhode Island. Sharpen your pencils, fill your fountain pen, find an envelop and a stamp and write. To a friend, stranger, neighbor, long lost love. It’s connection that for me surpasses any social media or email. Just think of it as old fashioned texting.
15. Two very important people in my life died in 2020 – neither to COVID. My dear friend’s wife and life partner of over 30 years and my sister-in-law. Regular death isn’t taking a break during COVID and it deeply truly sucks.
16. I’ve saved hundreds of recipes to a Pintrest account, including gorgeous cakes decorated way beyond my capacity. But with time on my hands I want to give it a go, so I bought a lot of sprinkles. That’s it so far.
17. I feel untethered in my home, my country. There is so much healing we have to do and it is not my strong suit.
18. I have a lot more dry and flaky skin than usual. There are days when it feels like I’m scratching off the cells of dead relatives. My great-grandmother a young girl on the dusty streets of Rome, my great-uncle a prisoner in Stutthof, laboring in filth and despair, my grandfather up to his elbows in mortar from laying bricks in buildings all over Syracuse, my great-aunt employed at minimum wage to sell floury loaves of bread at Harrison Bakery, bringing us day old frosted brownies and half moon cookies.
19. There are moments when I feel like the luckiest person on the planet, but not many.

That’s my nineteen. What about yours?